great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
