i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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