just tell him i said nine months
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize