East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize