mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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