this beer tastes like vomit already
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
