I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
