Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize