its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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