mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize