i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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