$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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