Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
