i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
