Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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