This is not my ceiling
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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