The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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