I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There r osticjed everywhere
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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