ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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