Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
