i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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