Small penises have feelings too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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