Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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