toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
