Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
