You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
