...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
