Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
