you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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