forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
