Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
