I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
