C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
