i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
