haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
