you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
