i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
