I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
