sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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