hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
