I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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