put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize