Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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