I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
