I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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