dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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