You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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