dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
