he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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