you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
