You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize