Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
