I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
