I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
