we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
birth control should be required to get into college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
