I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
