bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
