Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
cat food counts as protein by the way
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
