it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize