This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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