Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
