This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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