$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize