Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
