I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize