The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
