I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
