i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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