therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
