i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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