How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
