I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
