so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
where are my eyebrows?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
