That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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