you didnt know i had herpes?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
