all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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