Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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