I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
as a side note pls kill me
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