Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
