Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
