do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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