when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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