Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
