I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
