i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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