Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize