i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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