i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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