ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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