break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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