Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
