Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My vagina is officially offended.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
