So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize