i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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