I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
