Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
