and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
