before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
