This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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