I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
