I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
