come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize