If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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