turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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