Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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