I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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