a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
