i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
