Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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