Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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