It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
