It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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