i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
