My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
