Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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