you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
