About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
