I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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