I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
