We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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